| all good things must die. |
[Apr. 14th, 2009|12:13 am] |
MORE OR LESS
THIS MAY BE THE LAST ENTRY ON
HANGTHE_SPARROW
TIME CHANGES AND PEOPLE ARE CHANGED.
IF YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND WOULD LIKE TO
CONTINUE TO BE MY LIVEJOURNAL FRIEND
FEEL FREE TO ADD MY NEW ACCOUNT
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) louis_lorene
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2009|03:53 pm] |
It's raining, there were four services in the rain; one graveside abandond and the survivors gathered inside the Home to greive together. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|07:22 pm] |
i'm lonely. busy as a bee with wrapping up winter wuater finals, working more hours, finishing my diploma and wedding plans, where did my friends go? the Love of my Life, he is all that I need, but a girl also...needs food and water and her friends. I just wonderf WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED. was i never that important anyways? caitlyn, you're a kickin' teen, we love you when you're drunk and fucked up, when your clothes are peeling off and you're not attatched to anyone. but i turned into a woman, i found myself a man, my head stays on and tells me to keep my modesty and now, i'm not one of the invited.
i want so much to be mad, but when a falling out happens, it just happens, and being mad doesn't help a goddamn thing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|12:34 am] |
hi
right now i'm taking effexor, lamictil, topamax, maxalt, and for sleeping ambien...been on them for 4 years, perhaps?
lately i've been weaning down my effexor and having terrible withdrawls...my insides feeling jerked around, my nausea.
i saw my psychiatrist today and we've decided not to quit it just yet, but cut back rather on lamictil.
my brain is not hadling this well. my focus is shot, i just want to sleep. my ocd, anxiety, depression is creeping back.
i'm addicted...to sleeping pills.
supposed to only have three a week, but i can't, can't, can't sleep without them. and if you stay awake beyond the initial knockout period...you're half lucid and can't remember the fantastic hallucinations colors and surreal experiences.
considering my history medically i want to try to get a legal marijuana card...but i'm not sure how. history of severe anxiety, migranes and insomnia.
i already use it, under the radar, it helps me cope, i can actually DO THINGS now.
so, i hope all this is ok for a post...
much love and peace for a community like this, blessings blessings
---mcw |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|10:49 am] |
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i'm pouring myself out |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|11:26 am] |
i smoked salvia last night with Rachel and her brother, Evan.
HOY SHIT.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2008|06:29 pm] |
i knew it would be hard, i knew it would be sad, but i didn't expect my heart to feel heavy like it does like a billowing blue raincloud, pregnant with water to spill but keeping itself to itself, never shedding a tear.
working how i do isn't like i thought. tapping out death certificates on the daily from infants to grandfathers and mothers aged like fine wine, with offspring scattered around the country hell the entire earth. and i notify them, and here they gather to lay heads on one anothers shoulders and see what has happened unblinking but fully knowing. wanting answers, but all i have is written in scribbled black ink on folded grey paper, to transpose to millions of other papers and programs and books and files so it may look as though the earth is still turning and its inhabitants are still competent, with the older ones every day passing on. death heeds no one, there is no day off from death, death does not particularly knock, death is not polite, death may or may not be beautiful, but there is always death.
like a rough serrated edge-d tool cutting out my heart, i sit in an office and hear feet shuff-ling and doors opening and closing. the weekends are quieter in the Home, i worked with a retired nun, and we sat in the stillness together.
yesterday mrs. harris' daughter came in to view her, bleary eyes and red-cheeked, asked to be alone. may i close the door. and i did, softly, i wanted so much to be as tender as a human could. i heard her cry. she came out and i found her and she explained to me, please her cheeks, the blushing is too red and it does not look like my mother. and so together mrs. harris junior and i inspected her beloved mother, and spoke in respect of high cheekbones and how she would rather apply. and, could she bring in her mother's lipstick, from her purse, would someone put it on for her, please, and i said anything we can do please, and all of the sudden, though not suddenly at all all of the lines that composed us all vanished, mrs. harris sr. mrs. harris jr. and i, and mrs. harris sr. was gone completely, she has been gone since she passed in the hospital on the eleventh, and left were two very sad souls, one comforter and one comforted, or rather reaching out to anything to be comforted but so unsure of her resources; her only condolences being re-making her mother's vessel into what she once was.
it is a hard thing to learn about a person after they have left, and then to see what is left of them but to never meet who they once were.
it is like watching a very bad storm from inside a warm house.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2008|06:44 pm] |
how much is too much, in any sense? when the point is reached where this question is asked, i generally assumed it would be too much. but of course, it's a question for a reason. I DON'T KNOW.
it's an ugly week. ugly stupid easy fat, irritating like a stray hair in hanging in a face when falling asleep. or a CD skipping tracks, words and the high pitched scratch repeating when the stereo is out of reach.
a sober rope with too many knots, GODDAMN.
and each kink, i can't figure out, i remember when they fell into tangles and let it happen, shy giggle too stupid to question the reasons. too weak to STOP.
stuff is rediculous; stuff is a lazy word; it's quite appropriate. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2008|11:25 am] |
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fucking facist communistic pigs/! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2008|02:40 pm] |
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ps cat brought 2 different bird species in today:
including a 'yellow rumped warbler'!!! 
and some sparrow
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2008|08:23 am] |
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this is for you.
PUBLICLY; |
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| i can't resist |
[Jan. 27th, 2007|10:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | switchfoot | ] |
cousins Burhanu and Josiah
 just two out of about twenty adopted children from africa and asia. they alone are motivation to wake up every morning/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2007|01:29 pm] |
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FRIENDS ONLY
comment, add, be added.
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creative
